Review of 3:10 to Yuma

Rating: 4.5 Stars
In a phrase:
Batman vs. Gladiator, set in the Old West to make the weapons unfamiliar to both duelists
Quote:
“Careful boy, there’s a curse on that gun”
Who will like it:
Everyone should like this one, it was a great Western.
People who won’t like it:
People with the attention span of a goldfish may be unwilling to wait 105 minutes for the brilliant last 15 minutes of the film.

I don’t know too much about The Western as a historic film discipline, but of course the few films I have seen have always built up to the final confrontation at high noon, and this Western does not disappoint.
While Christian Bale is always solid (I think he was under-appreciated in The Prestige), Russell Crowe stole the scene. Of course, Bale’s character was a quiet shell of a man and Crowe played a Western Sky Masterson, so it isn’t quite a fair comparison. They were both excellent.
Most importantly, the heroes were noble and the villains evil. I always feel that I want to be drawn into a Western where I can cheer for the good guys like it’s a sports game, and this movie did not disappoint in that aspect.
The movie was solid through and through, with horses kicking up plenty of dust while six shooters fired. The only thing lacking was the soundtrack; I didn't feel drawn in by the sound the way most Westerns call out.

Review of The Terminator

Rating: 3.5 Stars
In a phrase:
The Governor of California Goes on a Murder Spree
Quote:
“I’ll be bahk”
Who will like it:
Cyborgs, Techno-phobes
Who won’t like it:
Kids these days who won’t be impressed by the old special effects

As a kid, I was not allowed to watch R-rate movies. I particularly remember my mother saying I wouldn’t be seeing Terminator. So I went in expecting something akin to The Saw. When I saw James Cameron was the director in the opening credits, my interest was even further peaked.
So I was pretty disappointed that it just turned out to be a pretty good action film. In its day, I could have given it four stars, but the special effects have not aged gracefully. The final dramatic chase by the terminator actually made me giggle.
Time travel movies always rub me the wrong way, but I actually didn't mind it too much in this one. There was too much action to really stop and think, which I think was its ultimate downfall.

Review of The Devil’s Advocate

Rating: 4 Stars

In a phrase: Al Pacino gives a 5 star performance while Keanu Reeves painfully attempts to act and use a southern accent.
Quote: “The twentieth century was undoubtedly mine”
Who will like it:
Me, People who like movies that make you think
People who won’t like it:
Southerners angry at their poor portrayal, Satan because Al Pacino put him to shame

The Devil’s Advocate is an awesome film that provides deep thinking in the same way as the old episodes of the Twilight Zone. A successful Southern defense lawyer (Keanu Reeves) is called to New York by a big time law firm run by John Milton (Al Pacino) to work in the big city. Reeves becomes consumed by his own vanity, and neglects his loving wife (What’s her face)
I hope I’m not revealing too much by saying that Al truly is Satan. He hints at it cleverly throughout the film. What is so beautiful is how he never actually forces anyone to sin. He doesn’t even entrap them. When he first introduces Reeves to the lavish law firm, he explains that it is their policy to “kill ‘em with kindness.” He later proclaims that he is greater than god, as he accepts man as he truly is. So many people who later realize how he has used them always marvel at what a good listener he was.
So with the thought provoking moral messages, why the four stars (frankly, I want to sink to three and a half, but this movie makes my top 20 favorites list and I would look kinda dumb with a three and a half star movie on there)? Keanu Reeves. He sucked throughout the movie, with a lousy accent and a lack of emotion in his voice and actions. If I could go back and recast one character in one movie in history, it would be that role. Yes, that is even considering The Phantom in the most recent Phantom of the Opera film and Hayden Christensen in the Star Wars films. That’s how TERRIBLE Keanu was.
But like I said, this movie’s plot and writing are top notch at all other points, and I highly recommend that you check it out.
Joel Schumacher was originally set to direct the film in 1994 with Brad Pitt to star as Kevin Lomax (Keanu's character). Taylor Hackford (the actual director) apparently thought the movie needed to be a little more gnarly.

Review of Assassins

Rating: 1.5 Stars

In a phrase: What went wrong?
Quote: “Cuidado con las armas…”
Who will like it:
Zombie victims lacking brains
Who won’t like it:
People expecting a movie with a plot more interesting than The Italian Job

I take no joy in having to give this movie two thumbs way down. On paper, this looks like a winner of a blockbuster. Each of these actors have been great in some of my favorite movies: Sylvester Stalone (Rocky, Demolition Man), Antonio Banderas (Once Upon a Time in Mexico, Shrek 2), and Julianne Moore (Hannibal). When I saw the previews on TNT, I got excited (albeit was leery of the caliber of films that make it to late night TNT).
So what went wrong? Well, with a name like Assassins, I was certainly expecting a little more action. All of the action sequences were flat with the possible exception of the final confrontation, which went on for way too long.
The whole movie is spent going back to bigger and bigger chunks of the same flashback that we already know the punchline of, because Banderas magically divines it from a 30 second conversation with Stalone a mere 10 minutes into the movie.
There is not a single plot twist that isn’t clearly visible for miles/ The characters are largely uninteresting with the exception of Banderas’s psychotic hitman, that really saved this movie from getting only one star.
This one isn’t even worth watching on TNT.
Sylvester Stalone was nominated for a Razzie for worst actor in this film. This stung, coming after the previous year's nomination for Judge Dredd.

Review of The Man Who Knew Too Little

Rating: 4.5 Stars (Out of 5)

This hokey Bill Murray comedy hits me square in the funny bone. I still remember going to see this at a friend's birthday party back in junior high. While everyone stewed that we should have gone to see Mr. Bean, I have never been able to stop laughing at this movie.

In keeping with my goal of reviewing every movie that I watch, I must lavish praise on this comedic masterpiece. Bill Murray lives out the fantasy of becoming a super agent. Regrettably, he doesn't know that he is part of a very real international conspiracy to restart the cold war. Thinking he is just an actor in a live action play, he proceeds to bumble his way through life and death situations with a cavalier demeanor.

Outstanding supporting performances from the whole cast (notably Alfred Molina, Joanne Whalley, and Peter Gallagher) really make the film come alive. The spy plot lends a thriller aspect, while at the same time Bill Murray provides the laughs.

I've never seen it on TV, but if you come across it at Blockbuster then I heartily recommend that you pick it up. It is a solid 90 minute comedy with laughs from start to finish. It's a shame that this film doesn't even have a decent Wikipedia entry and lacks an official plot synopsis on IMDB because it is one of my favorite comedies.

Peter Gallagher went on to become Buddy King in American Beauty. He also went on to do voice work for Family Guy and Robot Chicken.

Review of There Will Be Blood

Rating: 1 Star (Out of 5)

It's a good thing There Will Be Blood because There Will Not Be Dialogue. There Will Be Long Shots, but There Will Not Be Any Reason To Care for the Main Characters.

I could go on. In short, a Western remake of Scarface with a nauseating soundtrack (that one hears far too much of). The movie tells the story of Daniel Plainview, a ruthless man focused on the almighty dollar. By luck, he turns from a silver prospector to an "oil man" and begins to build an oil empire. To go too much farther into the story would be to give it away, but suffice to say, presented with several life choices, he consistently makes the worst possible choice.

I feel my biggest issue with the movie, forgiving its painful soundtrack and long shots (although it's good to know that walking in the old west is much the same as it is today. I think the movie spends at least 20 minutes just showing people walking), is that the main characters show no character development. My high school English teacher once said, a story should be able to be subtitled "The Education of [Insert Main Character's Name]."

Daniel Plainview is always an ass of a man, out of touch with his humanity, a living monster. At least in Scarface (which I don't care for much, either), we watched Tony Montana descend into a vicious coke lord. Plainview's character was born to hate his fellow humans, which he freely confesses at one point. What makes it particularly unbelievable is that he isn't even interested in money other than for wanting to get enough to move far away from everyone else. His antagonist, the reverend of the local church, also displays a consistent hubris and lacks the ability to learn.

The only reason this movie earned a star from me was for the final scene, which was well done. However, it was like the last 30 minutes of Star Wars Episode III; spectacular, but unable to redeem the hours of previous painful movie watching.

In closing, I should address the mounds of praised heaped upon this movie. Movies are the most complex inkblot test of all. Presented with a long, tedious film, the critics all rush to praise it as being a masterpiece, lest they be the ones to say that the emperor has no clothes. I am calling it like I see it; the emperor is completely naked. Insomniacs should get some much needed rest going to see this movie, but I recommend the rest of us to stay far away.

There Will Be Blood was released January 11, 2008. It was filmed on a $25 Million budget.

Review of Eastern Promises

Rating: 4.5 Stars (Out of 5)

It is not every day I get the outstanding pleasure of being gripped by a movie as thrilling as Eastern Promises. The movie has the same addictive grip as a high adrenaline movie like Casino Royale with a fraction of the violence. It simply, from start to finish, tells a gripping story.

Viggo Mortensen finally makes a clean break from Aragorn in my mind in this role, as he plays a scary Russian mob driver named Nikolai Luzhin. Throughout the movie, the character is beautifully played. While he could easily have been a purely ruthless thug or a reluctant killer, Mortensen beautifully bridges the gap, calling to mind (and perhaps ecclipsing) Johnny Depp's role in Donnie Brasco.

Mortensen stands out as the protagonist, but all of the characters in the movie were well played with perhaps the exception of the mob boss Semyon, who was a little too quiet to be scary. Jerzy Skolimowski stole my heart as the mean-softy Russian step-father. The rest of the onscreen family, Naomi Watts and Sinéad Cusack were also excellent.

Besides the gripping narrative, one thing that I absolutely love about this film is that it has a small cast. Sure, it is easy to make a movie compelling when the director has hundreds of extras to toss about. The core cast of the film consisted of eight actors, and the viewer intimately gets to know each character.

There are a few reasons that I cannot give this film a perfect 10. One, as my first review, I would look like a pushover. Two (and more importantly), the film was a trifle gory. I understand in a Russian Mob movie people will die, but when you make me look away from the screen I am going to get a little peeved. Frankly, Sweeny Todd has really just made me adverse to seeing throats be slit.

Additionally, while the story was compelling and brilliantly acted from start to finish, it lacked the magic spark of Casablanca or The Godfather. It's a grim movie about a grim story, and so it is hard to really want to be any of the characters in the film, making it not connect with me on that deeper, 10.0 level.

Eastern Promises was released September 21, 2007. It grossed $17.26 Million in the US.